I’ve spent the past week struggling with reading through the new PIP application…. yet another week of feeling sick to the pit of my stomach… you ask why?… so here it is ….
I have had to look over the details of my every day limitations of my life …. (not easy ) see how I can answer the endless questions….. when in my head I’m screaming…. this isn’t a bloody life…. it’s a half life … maybe not even that..
How do I explain that every single process takes my energy…. so much so I run out of energy for the basic tasks… I don’t want or need pity ….. I don’t want to look over my life and feel more inadequate ….worthless…. but this process makes you feel like that…. when I said it is dehumanising it truly is…..
I want everyone to know just how abhorrent this process is….
Thankfully my daughter is helping me..(Tink is an angel) …. so her clear concise answers are a welcome help…. we will together give the DWP what they deem a necessity…. I really would like to scrawl across the form nothing has changed….I’m still sick…. I still need support…. but I fear that wouldn’t work…
So I’m going to comply with the requirements….. even though it will definitely make me sicker….
On a plus point I had my hair done and nails painted…so looking absobloodylutly fabulous darlings …..
Thank you for reading… the next fun packed instalment soonish… love an light ❤️h
It’s Monday morning post… the forms have arrived… I’m going through the process of changing from a lifetime award of DLA to the new benefit PIP …. 40 pages of questions… all to help them to decide if you need financial help to live ….
I am at this point unable to understand how filling this in will actually help them to understand how I live …. the form is so bias and inadequate for its purpose ….
I’ve been reading some personal stories about the process they have endured… unbelievably heartbreaking… I have to wonder why we have such a punitive system for sick an disabled people…
I’ve realised that going through how I manage to live day to day just focusing on what I can’t do makes me feel pretty bad…. I’ve had years to come up with short cuts to daily living…. now I have to go the process of breaking down my life to jump through hoops …. I’m already struggling just reading through the form …
The postmark was 5th August… it arrived on the 12th August…. I have to have it back in by 5th September…. well actually before that plus the envelope is 2nd class post … so you can probably trim of three days minimum for that …. all additional pressure…
It will get done…
I’ve just realised that my Saturday update wasn’t actually published… so it’s just been done… oh dear this probably won’t get published for a week… as you can tell cognitive issues already in full foggy swing ….
I think I would rather do anything else than this…. sustained stress isn’t good for anyone.. least of all someone who is so sick … this is the point I really could do with a magic wand… given so many people have wished me good luck in this …. I’m a tad concerned…. really should this be down to luck …?
Awaiting some divine intervention… maybe I need chocolate… do you think it might help … thank you for reading my ramblings..
Love and light xxx
So Saturday arrived… nothing in the post… but sadly I woke with a migraine.. (deep joy) I don’t get them very often… but this was a bit of a hum dinger…
I’ve realised that my usual calm way with dealing with things is starting to crumble… my condition (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis ) doesn’t respond well to stress….
So I’m trying distraction tactics… but my mind isn’t playing ball… overthinking the implications this process will have on my already fragile health is taking its toll …
because it’s Sunday I’m taking a day off and watching some humour on the TV… tomorrow is another day ..
love and light xxxx
So I took the brave step …. I had contemplated leaving ringing them for a couple of weeks…. but to be honest I needed to get the ball rolling….
I read through the letter again…. I needed to have a few things to hand to help the process…. standard stuff … but in my somewhat foggy state evade me at times….. plus I wanted to write down anything I needed to remember…..
So all bits of relevant things gathered together just easy to hand …. deep breath… make sure I ring the right number…. don’t want to inadvertently ring the wrong one and cancel my claim….. I do wonder why they would actually want you to ring them to say you don’t need help anymore….. given they are quite threatening in the letter about you must contact them …. anyhoo I digress ….
I have pen poised an ready for action….. I think to myself maybe a cup of tea would be good at this junction…. my voices particularly Bonny Tyler ish today…… I realise that I’m implementing the avoidance tactics…. so I give myself a little talking to…. I mean how bad can this be …. yes I’ve managed to get myself in a bit of a spin….. but tea has saved the day…. onwards Mcduff ….
Right phone in hand …. off we go…. I’m prepared for Vivaldi’s four seasons…… my call started at 11- 43 …. so we are off….. it’s not Vivaldi’s 4 seasons… it’s green sleeves so much better I feel…. so a couple of press this number… an hey presto a real human…. the chap I spoke to was lovely… went through things slowly… was helpful and respectful… explaining the process… what would happen next … plus the timeframe….
I can’t tell you how much I dreaded this initial call…. but am thankful that it’s over an the next process is the form filling….
I’m going to blog about how this is impacting on my day to day …plus how the impending assessment will affect me…. given this process is going to take valuable energy….. I genuinely want people to understand the impact this has on us….
I can absobloodylutly tell you I’m not in a happy place ….. this process can’t be over soon enough for me ….. thank you for reading this … hopefully others who are going through it don’t feel so alone …. love an light ❤️
My journey to be able to live… I’m being asked if I want to continue to get the help because I’m to sick to work… in truth I’m to sick to actually achieve daily functions … I’m talking about eating food an getting dressed.. let’s not discuss the washing situation.. or hair washing…
I’ve been waiting for this letter to drop on the mat for over two years… this is me going from (DLA) a lifelong award because of my illness to PIP the new benefits for the disabled…. it’s broken down into how much extra help you need to have to function in the real world… well in theory….
So I will explain at a later date because this blog is going to chart my journey…. how the process is causing real and serious harm to people….
I’m a fairly tenacious person.. I don’t let things affect me to much … but I’m going to be honest…. this has me feeling sick to the pit of my stomach… why you ask… I mean everyone says if you are genuinely ill you will be fine … just tell the truth… ummm that’s the rub …. it would seem that no matter how long you have been sick or how sick you are … or how much support you have .. or how many doctors you see ( I’m mostly to sick to go to the doctors) it makes no difference….
So I’m playing the waiting game now… I have to ring the DWP to tell them I definitely need to continue to receive help as I’m to sick to work… I will write more as things happen…
I did actually notice that I’m slightly relieved as the process has started… so the impending doom has lifted.. I’m in it now… it’s a rollercoaster…. can you imagine how it feels…. I know I’m not alone… thousands have gone before me …. but at this moment i feel very alone….
Thank you lovelies for listening to me … onwards and upwards ❤️